Something has been nagging at me lately and only last night
did I finally figure it out. It has to
do with an abusive relationship with a god that holds us to an impossible
standard and what finally shined the light on it was a post that someone made
on Facebook that my wife read to me last night.
The quote is, “I can't brag about my love for God because I fail Him
daily, but I can brag about His love for me because it never fails.”
It was that first part that made it click. We fail him daily. Obviously, this was posted by someone who is
very religious. If you are very
religious you obviously want to please your god. It very well may be your greatest desire in
life. And STILL you fail him daily? This really brings up two terrible problems
with religion. First, as I mentioned
above, is the abusive relationship. We
are imperfect, but not JUST imperfect, fundamentally flawed, bad people who
have no right existing, but he loves us anyway.
We are so bad, in fact, that even when we want to be good we still do
bad things every single day because we are just such bad, bad people. Fortunately for us there is someone who
accepts and understands just how terrible we are, loves us anyway and is
willing to forgive us our faults if we just do everything we’re ever told
without complaint. While we, ourselves,
can never actually become decent enough people to ever have any kind of value
as individuals because we are so utterly useless we can gain value as
individuals by being with him because he gives us value by his very
existence. In psychology this is
generally referred to as “Battered spouse syndrome”. The person in the relationship who “gives
value” is the lowest piece of shit scumbag on the planet; a manipulative,
self-serving, sadistic, arrogant and completely self-centered individual who
sees the other more as a property than a cherished loved one. In religion, however, the person in the
relationship who has no value on their own is the lowest piece of shit scumbag
on the planet, at least until they are given value by their god.
That is bad enough.
To ever have a thought that you are a worthless scumbag of an
individual, no matter how good a person you try to be, that you are a lowlife,
vile, putrid piece of shit until you are given value by another out of the
kindness of his heart, though you don’t deserve it and never could, that is a
pretty bad place to be. I don’t care if
the one “giving you value” is your husband or your deity, to make you feel that
is true takes a real piece of shit (in the case of the latter, the piece of
shit in question is your pastor, not your imaginary friend).
Of course religious people don’t see it like that. They don’t look at it like that. But just look up any religious nutbag pastor
who ever gave a speech about secularism and the dangers of our society becoming
more secular and you will see that they very much see it like that. Not only do they not trust atheists, not only
are they leery of all things secular, they are terrified that if they are not
allowed to preach in our public schools their own children may become secular,
thus evil. In fact, they’re not even
afraid that their children are going to be taught to be secular in the public
schools, they’re terrified that their children won’t be taught anything; that
their religious beliefs won’t be constantly reinforced throughout the day. They are so insecure that the simple idea
that their children may spend part of their day not having their religious
beliefs actively reinforced is a source of major stress, prompting them to lie,
cheat and attempt to subvert the law in a pretty much continuous effort to
reintroduce religion into the public school system. All of this because, without their religious
beliefs, they’re afraid their children will become evil, vile people, the default
position all people hold until given value by their god.
But that’s not even the worst of it, which brings me to the
second point. God holds us to such an
impossible standard that we cannot help but to “fail him every day”. That’s how utterly useless we are. We are such worthless pieces of shit that no
matter how hard we try it is simply impossible for us to ever be good
enough. Which begs the question, if it’s
impossible for me to do something, why do I need to be forgiven for not doing
the impossible? If I, as God made me, am
simply incapable of living up to the standard he set forth, no matter how hard
I try or how badly I want to, then why do I require forgiveness for not doing
the impossible? This becomes
particularly troubling when you think about this quote from a Wikipedia article
about codependency: “In a codependent
relationship, the codependent's sense of purpose is based on making extreme
sacrifices to satisfy their partner's needs. Codependent relationships signify
a degree of unhealthy clinginess, where one person doesn't have
self-sufficiency or autonomy. One or both parties depend on their loved one for
fulfillment. There is almost always an unconscious reason for continuing to put
another person’s life ahead of your own, and often it is because of the
mistaken notion that self-worth comes from other people.”
That quote EXACTLY describes a relationship with God,
especially among fundamentalists. They
are called “worshipers” for a reason.
The worshiper is expected to make extreme sacrifices to satisfy God’s
needs. The worshiper and God depend on
each other, the worshiper for a sense of worth, God for the worship he so
desperately desires. And the worshiper’s
entire life, even to the point of sacrificing that life, are spent at the whim
of their god because it is the only way they have any self-worth. All because we were apparently created to be
such weak, vile creatures that we would have an absolute need for God to
forgive and fix us on a continuous basis.
So why do I need forgiveness for being exactly the thing I
was born to be? Why do I need
forgiveness today, tomorrow, the next day, next week, next month, next year
because I have not yet attained the unattainable? Many Christians believe it is impossible to
live without sinning. They say it is
because we are “imperfect”. So what kind
of prick demands that we beg forgiveness for not doing the impossible? All Christians agree that only one man in
history lived his entire life without sinning once, which means that all
Christians believe that, with the exception of the savior, it is impossible for
a person to go through their entire lives without ever committing a single
sin. If you accept that as truth and you
accept that we are created by God then you must admit that we were created to
be sinners.
Of course that isn’t true. There is a whole lot sideways thinking to
wriggle your way out of admitting that this is what you believe. The one that comes to mind is that we were
not sinners until the original sin and it was our own choices that made us this
way, blah, blah, blah. Except that isn’t
true, is it. I didn’t eat any fruit from
any forbidden tree. I am as I was
born. It was God’s choice to visit
original sin on all the generations to come.
If I were to accept creation myth then I am exactly as God intended me
to be. If I were to accept that it is
impossible for me to live without sin then I would have to except that this is
exactly as God intended as it has been impossible since my birth, not since I,
personally, did something to change it.
And even if I accepted that it was the sins of Adam and Eve that brought
this upon me, making in the fault of “man”, I would still have to admit that
there is nothing in my entire life that I, personally, did to make this true,
there is nothing in my entire life that I could have done to prevent it from
being true and whether or not it is true is, always has been and always will be
completely and utterly out of my control.
Further pressed I would have to admit, though I’m sure begrudgingly,
that this is by design. As mankind had
no hand in design and is incapable of changing this “fact” in any way then only
the creator himself could hold any kind of responsibility for it being
impossible for me to live without sin.
The fact that it is “impossible” pretty much relieves me of any
responsibility in the matter.